There are bad days. You know them well, I imagine. Everything
seems to go wrong that day; you make stupid mistakes. Today was that day for
me.
It's Day Forty-Three of my 101 Day Challenge, and I have never
wanted to give in more than I did today. By the way—I didn't.
You know the feeling, when you have a long, bad day and you just need to
give in to those old comforts—those probably-not-so-good-but-definitely-better-than-some-things
pleasures? Food. Caffeine. Shopping. Wine. TV...to name a few of mine.
Usually when I've
had a particularly trying day at work, I like to relax on the sofa, eat some
junk food (hamburger, chips, ice cream, and a soda are my favorites, but any
food that is quick and junky will do, really) and chill in front of Netflix or
whatever is on for a while. Or I'll end up on the Mall on my way home from work
(its conveniently right there on my route....) and end up buying
fifty-bucks worth of stuff—excuse me, "clothes for work"—from Maurice's
or wherever else. Fifty bucks, I might
add, that I don't have.
Most days, lately, I'll get a 32 oz Mountain Dew from the gas
station over my lunch break and sip on a soda all afternoon. It helps me get
through the rest of my day. Or so I tell myself. Well, last night I did my budget...and
I realized that if I was going to really save money for these things I want to
do in the next few months (Renaissance Festival, a wedding, and a concert, in
September, October, and November respectively) I was going to have to cut my
spending habit. This, unfortunately includes the dollar a day I spend on a
soda.
A dollar a day adds up to $30 in a month. That could buy the
tank of gas to get me to Nebraska for my friend's wedding. Or most of a ticket
to the concert in Topeka I want to see. If I stop eating out at lunch—make it
maybe $5 a day on the low end, so that's $25 a week and $100 a month! –I
cut out even more. NOW eliminate all my impromptu tiny shopping trips—let's say
$30 a week, to be kind—that is freeing up A LOT of money! In a month, adding
all that up, it equals to $250 I could be saving EACH MONTH by cutting
needless spending.
This is what I realized last night. So I told myself I was
going to cut soda from my afternoon habit. Drink more water instead—it really
is better for me. I was going to cut down on my shopping, telling myself every
time I want to that I can be using the money for something better, giving it a
specific purpose. Crystal's wedding. KC trip. Casting Crowns concert. Maybe it
will help me stop spending it. Maybe I'll actually be able to use it to go
toward bills and save a little instead of continually pulling money OUT of my
savings account... Not exactly the direction it is supposed to go. Maybe this
time it will stick.
So today, when I woke up, I determined not to buy a soda
over lunch.
Then the Day from Hell swept through.
Really, it was no one's fault but mine. I am not too proud
to admit that. The mistakes that were made and the stuff that happened could
have been prevented had I been... let's say running
better. My brain was on vacation today. Simple as that. It was mostly
things of my own doing. But it didn't make it any better. If anything, it made
the entire thing more frustrating.
But, during work, I did my utmost to try to remain calm and
level-headed and maintain a professional demeanor and attitude and set a good
example for those I am working with—both younger than me and currently being
trained. I tried really hard not to
lose it.
Then I got off work, and someone cut me off in traffic, and
I lost it. I screamed. I nearly cried. I wanted to scream some more. I didn't
cuss, though honestly, I probably would've if I'd thought about it.
I was frustrated. Not because my brain was absent and I
couldn't think straight. Not because my coworkers were getting on my nerves.
Not because I got off a half hour later than I really wanted to—although all
those things were true.
No, I was frustrated because all of my usual
"comforts" that I would turn to after a distressing day were
off-limits.
Food—I'm trying
to lose weight. I stared at the fridge, fully intending to eat junk. I really
did. But I wasn't hungry. I really wasn't. (Big step for me!)
Soda—As
previously stated, I was giving up soda. I had JUST started that morning, and I
would feel really silly if I couldn't even do it for a single day. I mean
really, how weak-willed am I? Besides, you know, the whole budget/money
thing...
Shopping—On a
budget....
Glass of wine—When
I say a glass of wine, I mean like half a glass of white wine. But I do not
currently have any wine, or any alcohol of any sort, in my house or possession
and buying some would, of course, be breaking the whole "on a budget"
thing...
TV—Hello.
Obviously, I am on a TV Cleanse. Next Thursday marks 50 days—almost halfway
done! I can't give in now after coming so far! So, no TV either...
So what was a girl to do? All my usual go-to's were out of
order and had yet to be replaced by newer, "healthier" options.
I had texted my good awesome friend Lori about my distress—bad
day. want to cry and scream at the same time. blah blah blah. By the time she
gets back to me, I am in my bed, not in the mood to talk to anyone. Not even my
cat (who, I believe, was hiding in the closet for dear life, away from Scary
Megan). She messaged me. She called me. I ignored it. I didn't feel like
dealing with the world. I needed a break
from "adulting".
I ended up playing a game on my computer. It helped me zone
out and focus on something mindless without breaking my no-TV rule and it kept
me away from the fridge and too occupied to give in to go get a soda. It helped
me chill out and wind down. I put on some soothing classical music in the
background (I had been listening to rock music at work....) and tried to
relax...
It totally worked. Granted, I was snuggled in my bed, in m
pajamas ignoring the world at the early hour of five o'clock, but whatever you
gotta do, right?
It worked fast, too. By 6:30, I had moved into the living
room and was on the phone with Lori, talking about life and actually enjoying
interacting with the world. I ate a little something, and started working on a
story, then I realized it'd been ages since I'd posted an update... and here I
am.
Oh, and there may have been some Facebook/Instragram/Twitter
posts in there somewhere... and there may have been pictures of my cat....
Along with a scripture verse that was helping me " "count my
blessings before my sorrows" (I am quoting myself here, obviously not
scripture. This is a line from one of my stories, but it applies nicely.)
So what do you do when you've had an awful day with a side
of horrible and you've conveniently cut out those go-to comforts—a feeling I
can only compare to finding out your savings account has been drained when are having an emergency. There is
no fall-back. No cushion to soften the blow. No guilty pleasure to give in to
shamelessly. So what do you do?
Well, first I turned to my bed. Then to distractions (i.e.
games and social media). Then to a friend. Then, lastly, I turned to God.
This, I want to point out, is backwards. Really, what I
should've started with was going to God with my problems. Prayer. Scripture.
Etc. When I finally did, it gave me so much comfort and perspective, I wish I'd
done it when I'd gotten home and not hours later.
You live and you learn. Now I've learned and so have you—guilty
by association—and so, hopefully, I won't be making the same mistake again.
Maybe next time I'll start out the day with God and it won't get that horrible
to begin with. Maybe....
So what do you do after a terrible, awful, horrible, no-good
day?
Whatever is true,
whatever is noble, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable—if anything is
excellent or praiseworthy—think about such things. (Philippians 4:8 NIV)
Count your blessings before your sorrows.
1. I am alive.
2. I have a roof over my head.
3. I have a good job.
4. I have amazing friends.
5. I have an awesome cat who loves me.
6. I can pay my bills--even if it doesn't always feel that way.
7. There is food in my fridge (and my belly).
8. I have a warm place to sleep at night.
9. I have nice clothes to wear every day.
10. I know that God loves me and cares about me--
even my seemingly small, silly problems.
(etc)
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