Apparently I am not very
good at trying new things. If you've been following along, my goal this week
was to try new things in small ways. That, unfortunately did not really happen.
Here's what did happen:
Day 25 : Trip to
bookstore (with purchase) and then side trip to Maurices (with purchase). I DID
try on some printed shorts I never would normally try on, and though they
looked alright with the outfit, they didn't look alright on me. So the purchase was not
the pants. It was actually a crop jacket.
Day 26: Told
myself I was going to clean. I didn't clean. I wrote instead.
Day 27: Told myself I was going to clean. I didn't
clean. Also told myself I was going to actually cook something for dinner. I
just had tacos—which, by the way, does not count. Instead, I took a trip to a different bookstore (no purchase) and
picked up my pottery piece from my birthday (no purchase necessary). Then I
went home and did some writing.
Day 28: Met up
with Mom and my sister to do some grocery shopping (with purchase, obviously).
Played with my nephew afterwards on their deck and found a little frog, which
he thought was just the coolest thing ever. Went home, put away groceries. Did
some cleaning (finally!) and I actually did the dishes!! I did
not cook, however, like intended, and ate leftovers instead. Then I did some
more writing.
Day 29: Went to
Tuesday Mornings and bought a toilet brush (the fancy kind in the silver
holders). Told myself I was going to go to Dillon's to get milk. I did not.
Instead, I went home and wrote this blog post...after wasting time doing absolutely
nothing for about an hour. And making nachos.
I will say, however, about this week that I have had a
different music station on every night. Some of my station choices included cool
jazz, 80s hits, Celtic music, and 90s country. I enjoyed them all. Currently, I
am music-less. Mostly because I am being too lazy to reach two feet for the
remote and turn it on. Pathetic, isn't it?
I simply have no motivation today. It's been a long week at
work and yesterday I was pretty productive (I mean, I folded the towels that
have been in my rocking chair for a week and did the dishes. Productive!) and
today I am just...not. Right now, all I want to do is go curl up in my bed and
go to sleep. I am resisting, however, as it is only six pm, and it would feel
rather silly.
I thought I would come home and be all "wow, I can't
wait to work on my story!" But when I opened the documents (yes, plural) I
just stared at it, the stupid blinking cursor mocking me.
Then I thought, "Oh, I'll read a book! I only have like
a million that are lying around
waiting to be read. I'll do that instead!" I proceeded to stare at the
cover of a book, not interested enough to actually crack the spine...
This is one of those nights when I would normally turn on
Netflix and mindlessly watch episode after episode of whatever show I happened
to be interested in that week (or day or hour. It constantly changes) until it
was 10 PM (or even 9) and I would crawl into bed, thinking how uneventful my
life was.
Likewise, tonight is a struggle against the lazy
unmotivated-ness. I told myself "Its a beautiful day, you should go for a
walk!" Then I got home and suddenly wanted to absolutely nothing.
Literally. I don't want to write. I don't want to read. I don't want music. I
don't want to move. I don't want to think. I don't even want to keep my eyes
open. Without a TV to distract me and lull me into a vegetative state for the
next three to four hours, I have no clue what
to actually do.
I mean, I know what I could
be doing. There are many—MANY—things I could be doing. Crochet that blanket
I started last Winter. Write one of three stories I have going. Start a new
story. Sketch. Go for a walk. Clean my house (Pick a room! They're all dirty!)
Dance to some music. Cook dinner. Make my lunch for tomorrow. Fold more
laundry. Take the laundry out of the dryer.
Et cetera....
But even as I write out the list of everything, each item I
think "Nope. No thank you. Next. I'm not in the mood. I don't have the
energy for that. I've got no inspiration."
It's terrible really, this Monster of Un-Motivation that is sitting on my chest. Even food is
uninteresting to me right now. I stare at my fridge at the fruit and vegetables
and whatever else I got at the store yesterday and think "I don't want
that."
You know it's bad when I don't even want to eat!
I am trying to think of a clever way to tie this up, to
bring it around to a point, a lesson I've learned, or something...but I can't seem
to find it. The words are caught in the back of my mind, as un-motivated as the
rest of me.
I guess this week is just the Quarterly Slump (being over
1/4 of the way through my challenge). I don't even want to think about the mid-challenge crisis that is likely on the
horizon... Stay tuned around Day 50 (September 10th) and the week following to find out!
That's all for now folks... My fingers don't feel like
typing anymore....
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