Day 101

Exactly 101 days ago, I decided to go without TV. The decision came with some rules, of course. It would not be a permanent change. I would still be allowed one movie a week, with exceptions for special occasions (a "special occasion" defined as a social interaction of some sort with other people. "People" defined as someone other than my cat).

Now, 101 days later, it is about to come to an end. I have to say, I have mixed feelings about it. Part of me is a little sad that it is over. It was kind of fun, challenging myself to find new things to do every day with my spare time.

For about three weeks I had it in my head that I had to use the time to clean more. I am not a neat-and-tidy type person. I am an organized mess type of person.

Granted, I try to clean up when company is coming. This usually results in a five minute cleaning freak-out moment where I am frantically running around the house throwing away trash and tossing clothes into my closet. And then tossing anything else laying around without a place into the closet as well. Then closing the closet door. As if my mother really believes I keep the house that tidy all the time....relatively.

But for the first three weeks, if I didn't do the housework, I would feel guilty about being "unproductive" with my time.

This lasted, as I said, for about three weeks, at which point I realized I am not that sort of person. I do like it when the house is clean, but if it is a little messy, or the laundry hasn't been done in a few weeks, I am not going to stress out about it. Mostly, first off, because I live alone. It doesn't affect anyone but me. And the cat doesn't give two shakes if I do the dishes or not. Secondly, because I like a house that looks a little lived in. I know, I know, there is a difference between "lived in" and "pigsty".

But that is not the point. My point was that I stopped feeling guilty about not being a cleaner. My mom is a cleaner. My sister is a cleaner. I am not. It is just who I am. #sorrynotsorry.

This was a good realization, however. I wanted to spend the 101 days doing things for me—doing things that made me happy. Finding myself. I found I don't like to clean. Yes, Mom, I do still clean the house. But I can go to bed with a sink-full of dishes and not lose any sleep over it. Not that this is any news to you.

 I had this grand idea, starting out, that I would go out all the time. Go out on the weekends all the time, hang with friends, make new ones, and maybe even get a date or two. Hey, I had 101 days—anything could happen, right?

I soon realized I am not an extroverted person. My sister is an extrovert. My mom is an extrovert. I am not.

Yes, Mom, I still hang out with my friends. Yes, I leave the house and "see the sun" on the weekends. Just because I didn't text you back, doesn't mean I'm dead or depressed. It means I am an introvert who wanted to spend a day in solitude. Sometimes the solitude includes my cat. Sometimes it includes the trees at the park, or shelves of books at the library.

It took about another week to realize this—not being a cleaner or an extrovert— is not a bad thing. It is just who I am.

That being said, I still did quite a bit, in my opinion, over the 101 days. I didn't go skydiving or see the ocean or even go on a date. But I did do things—a lot of them small things—that made me happy. Let me give you some of the highlights:

I –

            hung out with my dad, just me and him

            hung out with my mom, just me and her

            spent time with my nephews

            spent time with the whole gang

            spent time with the extended family

            spent time with my best friends

            celebrated my 25th birthday

            celebrated my friend's new house

            celebrated my other friend's wedding

            celebrated Friday

            painted and sketched

            went on long walks

            read over a dozen books (I didn't actually keep count)

            wrote the beginning of about a hundred different stories

            deleted the beginning of about a hundred different stories

            wrote poetry

            finished a novel

            prepared to write a sequel to said finished novel

            explored my love of music

            discovered I write best to film scores

            re-discovered my love of dancing

            explored my talents in cooking

            discovered I am not a great cook

            discovered I do like zucchini

            went to Nebraska alone for a weekend (wedding)

            saw old friends

            met a few new ones

            dieted

            stopped dieting

            dieted again

            hung curtains

            got dad's help hanging curtains...

            went to a play

            worked on crocheting a blanket

            abandoned crocheting a blanket....

            sewed my costume for Renaissance Festival

            Got lost going to the Renaissance Festival....

            spent a day as a pirate with my friend, the gypsy

            decided I want to do a 5k...eventually

            submitted a story to a publisher

            got rejected by a publisher

            submitted a few poems to a literary journal

            got rejected by a literary journal

            applied for dream job

            got rejected by dream job

            applied for a part-time second job

            received part-time second job offer

            decided I did not need a second job

            declined job offer

            did the dishes

            scrubbed the bathtub

            had a laundry marathon

            changed my first diaper

            changed my second, third, fourth and fifth diapers....

            gave up soda

            started drinking soda again....

            cut back on soda....

            got too much sleep

            didn't get enough sleep

            drank A LOT of tea

            had the first cup of hot chocolate of the year

            hung shelves and pictures (with help)

            mowed the lawn

            was blessed when someone else mowed my lawn....

            was blessed again when someone swept my front walk clear of leaves

            had brakes replaced in the car

            got a flat tire on the way to work

            got two new tires

           

I could probably go on for quite a bit longer, even, but you I think you get the idea. There are some big things on that list. But there are also quite a bit of not so big things. There are good ones, and bad ones, sad and happy days. There are things I wish I had done, and things I wish I hadn't...or wish I could've avoided.

But that is life. I spent so much time on the couch, in front of my TV, I forgot to live life—forgot how to live life! If nothing else, I am glad I did this challenge for that fact alone—I found my life again. It's not perfect. It's not everything I wish it was, but it is mine, and I need to live it instead of mope through it.

I struggle with depression. I struggle with a lot of things. I also struggle to find the right word for a poem or a sentence in a novel. I struggle with finances. I also struggle to read for hours without getting a backache. I struggle with a caffeine problem. I also struggle to hang things straight. I struggle with my weight. I also struggle with directions and doing the dishes.

But not everything in my life is a struggle. Not everything in my life is a failure—and not all failures are bad.

It took 101 days to realize that these things are not bad things. They do not mean I am a failure anymore than they mean I am a success. It just means I am me. It took me 101 days to figure out how to be happy with that.

I am still a work in progress. Before I said there were things I wish I had done in the last 101 days, and I meant it. I also meant it when I said I was sad it was ending. To be fair, I will be glad to be able to watch TV again, and I will probably have a Doctor Who marathon tomorrow, just to be honest.

But I want to keep challenging myself. I want to keep pushing myself to do better—to be a better version of me.

November 1st marks the beginning of National Novel Writing Month or, as it's known, NaNoWriMo. The challenge is to write a novel, 40,000 words, during the month of November. I did it last year, and while I wrote the required number of words, I did not actually finish the novel.

This year, that is my goal. I am going to write the sequel to the novel I just finished, a fantasy story about four or five people who are given unique abilities to control the elements. The novel I just finished was about Miressa, who can control nature. The sequel is about Violet, who controls water. I am actually really excited about it!

That is my new challenge for the month of November—write, to its completion, my new novel. After that is done, I will find a new challenge. Maybe I'll work on that 5k I want to do.... or maybe I'll find something else. Who knows. I just know I want to keep challenging myself.

It also means I will continue to post updates on my newest challenges and how I am doing here on this blog. I realize the blog's title is about my 101 days of no TV, but I think that can be overlooked. The challenge of finding myself and becoming better is an ever-evolving challenge in itself, right?

Thank you to everyone who has followed along with me during the last 101 days, and who have supported me in various ways, be it encouragement or prayer or whatever else. I appreciate it so much!

Now I challenge you—whoever may be still reading this—to challenge yourself. It doesn't have to be for 101 days like mine was, or even for a month. It could be a small week-long challenge, or day-long. Find something—something that makes you happy, makes you better. You will be glad you did. I promise.